The doctors at Georgetown released Vicki this afternoon. Unfortunately, they also sent her home with another difficult diagnosis. The doctors now believe that Vicki's liver is not functioning properly. In fact we have know for some time that her liver had come under severe strain due to the combination of cancer and treatments over the past few years.
The evidence of this strain began to manifest itself when earlier this year she had a build up of fluid in her abdomen. This latest problem is simply a further decline in the function of the liver resulting in a harmful build-up of unsavory chemicals in her body. The chemicals (e.g. ammonia) can be toxic and cause a number of symptoms such as a lack of oxygen in the blood supply, leading to the confused state of awareness. The doctors sent her home with some medications to try to alleviate these symptoms.
Tonight she came home and went straight to bed - like she usually does after another exhausting hospital stay. Just a short while ago she took a shower and cleaned up for a good night's rest. I helped her brush and dry her hair, just like I used to do with our girls when they were little.
I continue to struggle to put into words how devastating this experience has been for all of us. I cannot find the words to describe the depth of hopelessness and helplessness. At one time, before cancer, Vicki radiated with life, energy, and kindness. This disease has reduced her to fearing being alone in her room because she may not be able to get up again, may not know who or where she is, or may not live through the night.
This week I am taking off work since it is the last week of the summer before the kids go back to school. All summer I had planned to make home movies featuring Vicki to capture some lasting memories. Now I wonder if I put it off too long, by a week or so. I don't know. I'll wait until next week to see if she improves a little.
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